Friday, February 20, 2015

They'd laugh if they could see me...

I have to be honest yesterday I did nothing towards my goal of pure blissful inner nirvana. It was a typically full day.. but I did have a 40-minute window in the middle of the day when I was at home by myself and could have taken the time to sit down and do something mindfully/meditation-y/whateveritisI'mtryingtodo-y..

But I didn't, I filled that 40 minutes with some fiddling around on the computer with this blog trying to get a photo to fit... replying to a couple of emails.... checking Living Sober...etc... etc...

So yesterday was a 'fail'. Am I trying to do something every day? Is that one of my goals?

Yes. I will answer that question myself right now. My aim is to do something of a mindful/meditation-y (?!) nature every day.

So today was also full but I again had a window of 45-minutes after I concocted, photographed and posted a delicious mocktail online, and when I had to do the school pick-up and head to soccer for 2 hours. So I once again got my printed out mindfulness newsletter and put my cushions on the floor.. sat down, then got up again to take my jeans off because they were super-tight and made sitting cross legged difficult, popped to the loo quickly then sat back down again and did the 3-5 minute 'posture practice' which just involves taking the time to sit properly, back straight but not stiff, arms by sides and hands resting where they fall on your legs, gaze lowered and relax.......

Probably only took 1 1/2 minutes to do that but it was nice to be back in that position (kind of). I still feel like if anyone was to look through the window they'd crack up laughing at the knicker-wearing housewife trying to go all zen in her living room.

So after I'd sat myself comfortably and got my posture sorted I started to do the 'body scan' technique where I swent slowly around all of my body bringing consciousness to each body part. I think I might have been 1.9% better at staying focussed each part when I was there (i.e. still crap).

I did sort-of ok going around each part (still a bit of an ache in my back when I got there so I straightened myself a little and it felt better). It did feel a little different doing this for the second time, like I knew a little bit what it was about. The trying-to-focus-on-your-knees feeling I was a teensy bit familiar with. I can't imagine what it will feel like when I've been doing it for days on end.

Anyway after about maybe 7 -9 minutes of body scanning interspersed with brain chatter I lay back on the rug and picked up the first of my library books to have arrived - 'The Mindfulness Revolution' edited by Barry Boyce. In the introduction he says "by taking time away from the pressures and needs of daily life to work only on mindfulness, with no other project at hand, we refresh our ability to be mindful when we return to our everyday activities." He says the only requirement in being mindful is to pay attention to your breath and your body. "This book is also about how just taking part in this simple practice can enhance all areas of your life and - dare I say - change how you approach life."

Well bring it on.

So what have I learned so far? I have learned that for now I don't have to think about my goal being 'emptying my mind' or some kind of far fetched meditation achievement. My goal can just be bringing attention to my body. Which is interesting because I've always said that I'm not very connected to my body.

Now it's the weekend and I'm going to have to try to find 10 minutes each day when I am in private and can sit and do the posture practice and body scan. Difficult when it's such a busy house. But I will try.

Love, Mrs D xxx

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