I stopped. I completely stopped sitting quietly with my eyes shut attempting to focus on my breath or do a body scan or some such.
Honestly I think I was crap at it and life got busy - had a house guest for 4 days and broke out of the habit. Blah blah.
How have I been? Ok. Fair-to-middling. Been stuck in a bit of a thinking loop about some things. Usual stuff.
I don't want to give up on this. I don't. I'm not going to. I want to live mindfully and achieve a much more sustainable measure of calm inside my head. I want to not stress the little things. I want to be open and compassionate to all the people I come across - even the tricky ones. I want to parent mindfully and raise my gorgeous, complicated boys as best I can.
So I am going to follow a proper 8-week plan that comes out of this book. They say in the intro 'Over time, mindfulness brings about long-term changes in mood and levels of happiness and well-being.'
EVERYONE SAYS THIS!! But I do think the key is 'over time' and 'practice' which I hear a lot. And I think my hap-hazard self-directed way of doing things isn't going to work this time. Or at least it hasn't worked yet.
So here's my pledge. I'm going to follow to the letter this books 8-week plan. They have available online guided meditations that I'm going to listen to (once I've learned how to download them, might have to get kindle on the iPad if I haven't already) and they also get you to do 'habit releasers' which gently break down ingrained habits - apparently fun to do and designed to reignite your innate curiosity.
I am going to start tomorrow and I will chart every day how it goes. I've just checked and for Week One it will involve
1) The Raisin meditation
2) Mindful awareness of a routine daily activity e.g. brushing teeth
3) Mindfulness of the Body and Breath meditation twice a day (audio track 1) and
4) Habit releaser
Ok I've just spent 10 minutes looking at my calendar trying to convince myself that I shouldn't start now, that I should wait for 4 weeks until after our extended Easter Holiday (8 days away surrounded by loads of family the entire time). But fuck it. I want to do this now. I think there will always be a reason not to start. So I'm going to give it a go from tomorrow.
I'll try my best anyway.
Love, Mrs D xxx