Tried the trick of sitting quietly with my eyes closed and just smiling - thanks for the suggestion on my last post! - and that was really lovely. I was outside having just put a towel in the sun to dry and noticed the birds were chirping really loudly and beautifully so I decided to take a quick moment to pause. I sat in an outdoors chair and shut my eyes, listened to the birds and smiled. And sat. And smiled. And listened to the birds.
So simple yet so radical.
I think the mindful stuff is making a big difference in my day-to-day life, I am definitely much more aware of keeping in the moment, really listening to my kids when they talk, noticing lots of things around me visually and sensations beneath my feet and in my hands. I'm feeling calm on the inside.
I realise I spend a lot of time driving (running 3 boys around) so I've been trying to stay super-mindful of the feel of the car under my hands as I grip the steering wheel. And the sun as it hits the windscreen. And the horizon line around my city.
All of this stuff is quite fun because it takes you away. It's like the ultimate drug!
Part of why I loved drinking so much and drug taking (when I did it recreationally a while back) was that it felt really fun to 'step outside' normal life... to be removed from the 'normal'. I always felt excited about my reality being shifted and ordinary life being removed for a while. I sort of feel that way about meditation & mindfulness.
Does this make sense?
It's kind of crazy rebellious to sit and shut your eyes and try to stop your racing brain and think about your breath. It's fun to stop all the thinking and just 'be' a breathing human being. It's exciting to imagine a time when I might get a new shift in consciousness - a heightened awareness.
And it's a challenge and new and exciting. And I'm loving it!
In the book on mindfulness I'm reading - in the chapter by Steve Silberman - he quotes Tibetan meditation master Chogyam Trungpa who says 'The practice of meditation can be described as relating with cool boredom, refreshing boredom, boredom like a mountain stream."
In our hyper-connected, super-wired, fabulously busy modern lives, how often do we let ourselves get 'refreshed by boredom'?
Is that what I was doing while listening to the birds? I didn't feel bored. I felt a bit rebellious and very happy. But then again... I didn't pause for long. Honestly - maybe 3 minutes. Maybe that's my next challenge. Make these sit-downs last for longer...
Love, Mrs D xxx