Thursday, April 2, 2015

Week Four Day 4

(I am doing the 8-week course in this book which includes these free meditation audio files).

I have experienced a major push-back in my mind over the past two-three days when doing these meditations. Not only is my mind wandering like buggery but I've had this deeper thought of annoyance that I'm being made to stop thinking. I'm subconsciously telling myself that I enjoy the thinking thank you very much and don't want to be forced into stopping it.

I don't want to stop it. I enjoy being free to think when I want about what I want. I keep tuning out Mark Williams voice and sort of being like a naughty school child who doesn't want to be told what to do.

I'm just being honest here.

I'm keeping on going though and hope that this won't be my continued experience of these meditations. I can only hope that my mind will go back into being open to being re-trained. Because it was at the start. But now it's rebelling and I really do feel like I'm kind of just paying lip service (for want of a better phrase) to the course.

This morning I set my alarm and got up at 6am to have my mindful cup of tea and do my morning meditations. It was nice as per usual.

Managed one Breathing Space today, self-directed. Nice again. Always nice.

Tonight I made myself work my grey matter to really put myself in the moment and it worked. I was doing the Breath & Body meditation and although there was a lot of noise around (dryer going, kids TV on, hose outside) I managed to really put myself in the moment. Unfortunately half way through the Sounds & Thoughts mediation just now I got interrupted twice and so have abandoned it for today.

We are going away very early tomorrow morning, bags are packed and in the kitchen ready to go, everyone is hyped up and I still have 5 things to do on my list.  I have put these meditation audios on my iPad and I have a plan of when to do it while I am away.

I'm not going to let my stupid dumb brain stop working on this.

Love, Mrs D xxx

No comments:

Post a Comment